Elbows Tevez in the throat, knees Aguero in the groin, squares up to Kompany and Balotelli, calls the ref a cunt , tussles with Richards in the tunnel and there are STILL people out there trying to give him a hard time.

You can't expect him to still make football interesting on his own - the man needs help.

Who would you have paid good money to see squaring up to one another on a Saturday afternoon...Barton v Jones or Nasri v Modric....thought so.

National Treasure is our Joey....does exactly what it says on the tin.

Joey Barton...still bringing the game into disrepute.

He'd be captain of my Headcase XI any day

From opera at La Scala to football at the San Siro stadium, from the catwalks of fashion week to the soaring architecture of the cathedral, Milan is crowded with Italian icons.

Which makes it even more of a cultural earthquake that one of Italy's leading universities - the Politecnico di Milano - is going to switch to the English language.

The university has announced that from 2014 most of its degree courses - including all its graduate courses - will be taught and assessed entirely in English rather than Italian.

The University of East London is said to be following developments with interest,innit.

youtu.be/o2r1f4Zqt7U

Justine Greening in 're-mode' shocker.

About one minute in.

Monday quiz night really should be on a friday. Still, the team won 2 cans of Strongbow each for coming 3rd. If we can keep this up then by this time next year I'll have 104 cans of Strongbow.

Tell your friends, get loads of hits, and we could be joint writter of moth! :-)

Islamophobia: Unreasonable dislike of suicide bombers.

Vulnerable to Eating Disorders: Greedy, self-obsessed.

Classic: Any pop song more than five years old.

Banana: Fruit used to demonstrate to junior school children how to put on a condom.

Inclusivity: Equal access for Oiks. The abolition of all rational evaluative criteria for admission. See University.

Poetry: Any lines of words which don't quite reach the margins.

Love Child: Accidental bastard.

Minorities: Politically preferred sub groups of undesirables.

Secretary sent to the left, Discount Oakley Sunglasses and think about the moment, to pick up the phones, presentiment, and Allure is related to, although I do not know how, but still need to remind her!The music of the ringing of the phone broke the VIP room is a bit strange atmosphere, forest Allure stumbled pick up the phone, do not know why she suddenly felt very sleepy, trying to sleep.

Excellent.

Speaking of excellence.Half pint for Jesse Bigg.He seems like a half pint kind of guy,unless of course any of you lot know different.

Having intermittent WiFi problems because of the high winds here, so not sure.

I know we're not allowed back there but I need some cover. Family barbecue in progress and I love them all dearly but I'd quite like them to bugger off now.

Just pretended I had an urgent text that I had to deal with and have snuck onto the internet for a few minutes escapism.

Who says they're actually my family anyway? We've never done DNA tests. Anyone got Jeremy Kyle's number?

''It's the least you can do'' said the father..presumably.

Pint please Eddie,swiftly followed by another.I'm depressed now and more than a tad angry.

Extreme breastfeeding to become Olympic sport or man dies in cock-fighting accident.

Something for everybody.

An eye gouging psychopath,that is.

All those nights of sex and romance.You can just imagine it,can't you ? Well,can't you ?

Usual please Eddie.

Episode 1 : Uranus or Bust

Scene 1.

Opening shot of a vast spaceship shaped vaguely like a broomstick , travelling in space past a ringed Saturn-like planet. Cut to the bridge of the United Wizard Federation Ship (UWFS) “Gandalph”.

Enter a crew member. “Mage, I bring news of the Teenage Mobster Vampires.”

Mage: “Yes Number Two, what is it?”

No. Two (quietly): “Why do you have to call me that? You’re the Mage, why can’t I be Number One? Or Neophyte, or Practicus?”

Mage : “Because It pleases me to do so, and it’s a big job number two.”

No. Two: “There has been a disturbance in the space-time cleft, Mage. I fear that it has passed the Teenage Vampire Mobsters into a new system, somewhere here in the rim. I have it here on the Holistic screen” (points vaguely to a screen with a picture of the Galaxy on it).

Mage : “Hmm, that would be Sol. Philosophus, what know we of Sol? ”

No. Two (under his breath) : “So he gets a job title then, little bitch”.

Philosophus : “Mage, it is a primitive system, but the inhabitants of the 3rd planet, Earth, have mastered blowing stuff up with nukes and still think it’s quite cool. I’m also picking up signs of a ‘4 for GBP5’ deal on real ales at a supermarket in a place called Harpenden.”

Mage : “Hmm, The teenage mobster vampires could be looking to establish a nest there with a ready source of recruits and nuclear power. They must be stopped, and we could pick up a few crates while we are there. Navigationus?”

Navigationus : “Mage?”

Mage (Looking into the distance) : “Sanus Maximus!”

(Ship zips off in a blur of light and a clap of thunder)

Sassoon out of condition[er]...*laboured* Errm..

Monsoon Sale Now On. *Genius*

Usual please Eddie.

sorry.....wrong protest march. Apparently it's tomorrow.

Unions say their members are not happy about having to work longer hours for less pay....tell me about it. Mine barely dribbles these days.

Pint please Eddie.

Quiet tonight Eddie, what've you done to the others?

Let's hope it picks up for Eddie's "Family fun day" on Monday. Obviously, he's banned kids. ASBO will be catching pickled eggs as they are thrown at him, and there is the "Flume" (laying under the beer tap of your choice with your mouth open until you barf).

“An ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination” Voltaire

It's Frozen Fist Friday.Brace yerselves.Let's see now.Wally,come over here..

thechive.c ... #idc-cover

Drink please...please..

Thank you ladies.

Bums on parade please.

If it was good enough for Gadaffi...

Where's Bonalatty ? What ? Right,I'll give him chesty cough..

Bring it on indeed.

He's on form today.

Me ? Go on then,ta.

I take the P.J. O'Rourke view: "My suggestion is install air conditioning and buy beachfront land in Greenland."

ASBO bet me a fiver I couldn’t lock myself in a sports bag holdall...yeah, well I’ve got news for you ASBO, you owe me a fiver.... 12 days...12 fucking days I spent in that bag and nobody noticed. I could have decomposed. Bastards. Every one of you.

Those darned pikeys already stolen the bronze plaque?

Hah!

Wait til they get home and find out it was really made out of a Golden Hour of Val Doonican LP record, sticky backed plastic and a pair of Val's old knickers.

Eddie. Fetch me a frozen mackerel will ya? I've got a dreadful thirst on.

Pint please,ta.

'Ally McCoist football video game contains 'tax dodge'

'Game released ten years ago contains bizarre option for game players to avoid paying tax'

The machine in the bog is out of Golden Root Complex.

Again.

Whatever the man wants, barman.

'Dundee University voted best student experience in the UK.'

'Students at Dundee have the best experience of university life, according to a new survey'.

uk.lifesty ... urger.html

What kind of drug helps an athlete to sit down and still for about a minute or two ? Senapod ?

Lovely. Just what those little grey cells needed. ;-)

JohnA is 'back' as well....you don't think...it couldn't possibly be...could it ?

What a total ****

Spumante all round,Eddie.The good stuff.

Salty my love, your name keeps popping up, you've not been causing some yussle hassle again have you?

Eddie, my good man, fill 'em up.

It's them lot who make motorbikes that don't look like motorbikes. They've built 10 unique bikes that slowly rotate around each other like a hell's angel orary, each with it's own moon scooter, where appropriate. And they've crashed into them with a truck for a laugh. Brilliant.

How much is this a month? Better make it a double, Eddie.

And a bag of nuts. Sticking to real ale, since not cleaning the pipes is a bonus. It just adds to the flavour, like a treasured, unwashed, Gumbo pot in New Orleans.

So, are Tom and Jerry, Bugs, et all merely entertaining cartoons or deeply surealist masterpeices of avant garde cinema? Even in the sound tracks there are Jazz musicians who were likely off their nuts on dope and speed, which doubtless fueled the Beat Generation, leading to the Hippies and a whole questioning of the widely held values and beliefs of the society of the day. In many ways, Tom and Jerry and their ilk led to a revolution of the society of their time and created the modern world.

And people getting hit with shovels, bowling balls and anvils is pretty funny.

Levon Helm has taken The Weight off his feet. Are there any drummers left?

Should've bought this earlier Wayland.Nice take on an old topic that made me laugh.

The ironic thing is,I suspect Mr O'Leary is the kind of guy that would give you an advertising commision...to attack others obviously.

Good man.

Mothers who took part in the survey said their net monthly household income had dropped from ÂGBP2,866 on average to ÂGBP1,654 typically while they had been on maternity leave.

"It's clear that more needs to be done by the Government to help families cope with the financial burden of parenthood, but in the meantime families can help their situation by reviewing household budgets and looking at where they can cut costs to save a bit of extra cash." Ann Robinson, Director of Consumer Policy at uSwitch.com

No,it isn't clear Ann.It isn't clear at all.

Here's the bad news ;

'Run Faster You Bastards' Revealed as 2012 Paralympic Motto.

...by some newcomers called Team Biscuit is our new No1.

Bastards.

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha fuckin Ha.

www.bbc.co ... s/17751399

Well done dad...I told you we should have used worms instead of live bait.

What do you mean it's my turn to take the hook out?

www.bbc.co ... a-17752388

Yes,that's right,it's Yikes.

Well who did you think I meant ?

There was talk about coming off the meds, leaving a potential window for getting rat-arsed on saturday.

I know it's early days yet....and Shitsu is probably battling with one of those 'never again, never, ever, ever again' type hangovers ...but has anyone got any news?

ssshhhh...just whisper if you have

xxxx Gerontius

Does this answer the question?

www.youtub ... LE3mEfuv3Q

Brickies in leotards, night club bouncers in white boots, ...Party 7....OK Gaz, pass us the can-opener....what can opener?....bastard.

www.dailym ... nkers.html