A light-hearted exchange between two newsreaders at the end of last night’s six o’clock news on ITV has resulted with both presenters being sacked for deeply offensive behaviour and use of foul language.

As the programme was drawing to a close following a story about the rescue of a stoat trapped in a discarded washing machine, Mark Austin humorously said to Mary Nightingale ‘That was almost two minxes on tonight’s show! Good evening…’ and continued to shuffle his papers as the lights dimmed.

Nightingale was clearly outraged by Austin’s ad-libbed aside, telling him that he was a ‘sexist bastard’ who deserved castrating. Austin responded with ‘Shut it, you slag!’

Wildebeeste all over Africa have united to condemn the constant portrayal of their species as nothing more than mindless lion-fodder by Western wildlife photographers. According to a leading spokes-gnu, the African herbivore is all too often seen as little more than brain-dead walking lunch for other animals higher up the food chain, with little regard to the many other interesting aspects of Wildebeeste society.