Two new emoticons were unveiled at a Microsoft Conference in Philadelphia yesterday. Martin Groonstadt, of the University of Utrecht’s Emotional Intelligence Unit hailed the new graphics as a great leap in communications, ‘For years bloggers have been constrained by the lack of range in Emoticons. For example, they can be happy :- ) or very happy :- > or indeed laughing :-D but not expressing mild wry amusement or the kind of half-smile that seems to concur with another person but actually signifies complete disagreement :-} These new quizzical emoticons occupy a much-needed place in our emoticon lexicon.’

Scientists have warned that the United Kingdom’s stocks of internet are at dangerously low levels and that urgent action must be taken to find alternative sources. The United Kingdom has no natural internet reserves of its own and has to import it from the United States and China. Large stockpiles of internet once visible outside ports such as Tilbury and Harwich are down their lowest-ever levels, with police officers guarding the remaining reserves.